Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving morning and the husband and baby are asleep. The house is quiet, except for the occasional meow from one of the cats. This is going to be one of the more quiet Thanksgivings I've had in my life. I won't be driving out to my cousins for the big family feast. And to be honest, I'm not that bummed about it. It's a large crowd (I bet they end up with 30+ people) and while that many people has an energy and buzz that can be fun, for me, I prefer the smaller crowd. Where you can actually sit and relax and enjoy the company of the people you are with. The larger gatherings mean you see a lot of people, but you don't really get to enjoy their company because the level of chaos is just too great. Big crowds of people aren't my thing, even if the majority of those people are my relatives. Sometimes especially if those people are relatives. While I love my family because ...  well, they are family and that's what you do,  I don't always like being around them all at once like that. There is a false sense of closeness when the reality is, very few on that side of the family know how to let people get close. From the outside it looks warm and cozy and fun. But you pull back the curtain and you have a lot of people just faking the niceness and family togetherness thing because that's what's expected. There are things I will miss. Like seeing my Grandparents. They are the only Grandparents I have and while our relationship has never been close the way other people are close to their Grandparents, I do love them, and I do understand that their time here is limited. They are both well into their 80's and they probably won't be around much longer. I'm not being morbid. That's just math. And reality. No one lives forever. Of all of my Grandparents, it was my Dad's mother who I felt the closest too and she has been dead now for 3 years. Maybe I felt close to her because we are the most alike, in looks and sometimes in personality. Or maybe it was just that she was the most accessible. The most willing to open her arms and give hugs and let you hold hands with her on the couch while she and my Granddaddy watched football. I have more childhood memories of being with them in their home than my other Grandparents. I have more stories to remember with fondness. Wow. I miss them both terribly right now. I didn't expect that. But I do. I miss my Granddaddy's Louisiana twang. I miss how my Grandmother smelled like a mix of Ponds Cold Cream, perfume and tobacco. And I best stop this trip down memory lane of I will make myself sad. And today is not a day for reflective sadness!

Go forth and count your blessings.