Again

I touched my c-section scar today and thought about what it would mean to do it all over again. And by "it" I mean have another baby. I thought about the pros and the cons and about what it would cost me personally, because let's be clear, it costs me, the person who would carry the child, a lot. It means surrendering my body and my life all over again in that special way that pregnancy requires. And one moment I say "oh, yes, let's do that again" and then as quickly as I have that thought, I think "oh for fucks sake no". I won't list the pros and cons, they are pretty basic and I think probably run of the mill in terms of decision making for this kind of thing. I don't know what the right answer is. I am 40, my husband is 43, we have one child who is almost 15 months old, do we have the energy for round two? I have no idea. Maybe we don't. Or maybe we do. All I know is that sometimes I look at my son, who is no longer a baby, but is, in fact, a little boy and I wonder if a sibling would enrich his life (like having a sibling has enriched mine) or if it will ruin his life. My sister in law has a brother and when I pointed to the fact that I can't imagine life without a sibling and pointed out that she has one too her response was "my brother has always been an asshole". So, maybe not so much on the enriched life for her.
I guess we'll just see. We'll just keep tossing it around and maybe land on a decision.