An old dude walked up to me Friday night and said "I just have to ask, is that your real hair?" At first I thought maybe he forgot the word color at the end of that sentence, because I'd colored my hair earlier in the week and sometimes right after I color there's a certain hue to it, but no, he wanted to know if my hair was real.
Um, what?
I don't really understand this question and it's not the first time I've been asked that and one of these days someone is going to catch me in just the right mood and my reply will be "No, it's a wig, I lost all my hair from the chemo, so thanks for pointing it out, bucko."
But, I understand that he's just being nice, so I say yes it's my real hair and I sort of want him to go away because I'm like, you know, having a drink with my friend Lisa and I'd much rather talk to her about Very Important Things than talk to some old dude in a bar about how I "grew it myself" [a line I stole from Chandler Bing thank you very much] and repeating "Thank you. Very much. Thank you." and he's totally not getting the implied "Go away now please" subliminally embedded between the thank you's. Because he's old. And I think quite possibly drunk.
Don't get me wrong, random compliments are Most Righteous, but sometimes once the compliment has been repeated a few times, by the same person, I run out of things to say because I only know how to do one of two things when complimented. I will either say "Thank you" and then tell myself inside my own head to shut the fuck up OR I will completely discount the compliment by trying to diminish it in some way. Like, I'll point out how whatever has just been complimented is flawed, or I'll try and turn it around and make it a better than situation and point out all the ways the person who has just complimented me is superior ... so in this instance, since I can't very well tell the old dude that he has more awesome hair than I do because that seems weird and kinda sorta not true, he just gets to hear me say "Thank you." a bunch of times until I start to feel all awkward and retarded because is it really a compliment to have someone think your hair is FAKE? Huh.
Maybe in Dallas Fake is like totally a compliment.
