Hide The Mess

when baby is happy, we are all happy

My sweet son is well. He is sleeping, he is delightful when awake, and he is all around a joy to be with. This past week we had the double whammy of a stomach virus and wicked allergies. We've been trying to find something that works on his allergies, he had a persistent cough for close to three months, a cough that would wake him multiple times in the night. It was horrible. We switched from an over the counter allergy medication to a prescription and so far: success! The last two nights he's slept right through for more than 10 hours at a time. No small feat for my son and one that resulted in much joyous celebration! I think the combination of my son feeling better and me being on an anti-depressant has resulted in a mood for myself that can only be described as bliss. I feel so happy today. So damn grateful for this life. My life. It's a beautiful thing.

I Was Going To Write About Something Funny. But This Isn't It.

I have a collection of e-mails from The Professor I fell in love with on an airplane flight to Kansas City. Even though that love affair ended, I hold on to them. Open them up, read them, step backward in time and return, for a moment, to the nights I spent spilling myself onto a computer screen, hitting send and waiting in breathless anticipation for his reply, like a little girl anticipates Christmas morning. It wasn't so much what he wrote to me, but how he wrote to me and I would print those words, carry them around and re-read them every chance I could.
He saw me in a way so very few people did back then. He saw through all my crazy, neurotic nonsense and in return shared his own crazy, neurotic nonsense. Laid it all out for me to see, and hear, and read. Even now, when I read those e-mails, or remember the quiet conversations that stretched into the wee hours of the morning, me curled up on the couch with him lounging on the floor next to me, my heart skips a little bit at the memory of what it was like to be seen, really seen by someone, and instead of looking away, he simply fixed his gaze on me and asked for more.
Maybe that's why I keep his words tucked away in a folder on my computer, to remind me what it's like when someone sees who you are, doesn't look away, doesn't run, doesn't vanish (Like so many before him. Like so many after.), but instead, sits down and asks for more.

All We Need Is Love

"What is Love? Love is energy. It's not something we can perceive with our physical senses, but people can usually tell you when they feel it and when they don't.  Very few people feel enough love in their lives because the world has become a rather loveless place.  We can hardly even imagine a world in which all of us were in love, all the time, with everyone.  There would be no wars because we wouldn't fight.  There would be no hunger because we would feed each other.  There would be no environmental breakdown because we would love ourselves, our children and our planet too much to destroy it.  There would be no prejudice, oppression or violence of any kind.  There would be no sorrow. There would only be peace."

A Return To Love
Marianne Williamson