Hide The Mess

mesmerized by the dancing Christian people

Working on Christmas Eve is bullshit. Although, there is actually very little working going on, but still, I had to get up and come in and that is bullshit. Next year I'm saving enough vacation time to take Christmas Eve AND the day after Christmas off.

Discussed at length:

That TV channel that shows a bunch of people dancing around to religious music all trance like. It's disturbing and fascinating and I'm glad  to know that Mr. Florida and I aren't the only ones who stop on that channel and are mesmerized by the dancing Christian people.

Random:

This is my last Christmas as a single person, next year I will buy Christmas presents for my husband. Saying that makes me giggle like a geisha.

Random: The sequel

A few years ago I set out to make more friends and widen my social circle because sitting at The BFF's house wasn't going to move my life forward, so I used myspace to branch out. To meet people I wouldn't have otherwise, do things it wouldn't normally occur to me to do  and just experience life in a new way. And I did all of those things – and had a blast doing it. But unfortunately I've never been one to effectively maintain numerous close friendships and add to the mix that some of these friendships aren't organic to my environment - we don't run in the same circles, live in the same cities or even keep the same work schedules – it makes things harder. There are relationships in my life that have suffered because I was trying to be something I'm not: A woman with a whole host of girlfriends.
A while back The BFF and I were talking and while she loves the constant influx of people, the large groups of friends, the energy of all those different personalities, I don't. And she pointed out that this is just who I am. Just like her preference for a plate full of friendships is simply who she is. The second she said it, I knew she was right and I knew there were relationships in my life that had been horribly neglected – one of them being The BFF herself. I knew the feelings of constantly being pulled in a million directions by a million different things surfaced because I was trying to be more like her. The irony is she was trying to figure out why she couldn't be satisfied with just a couple of close friends – like me – and that's when she realized that this is just who we are. She likes chaos and a billion different people moving around in her life, and I'm … quieter than that. I always have been. Even growing up there were many times where my sister was the only friend I had and it never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with that.
I didn't mean for this to get all serious and introspective, it's just lately I've been forced to really look at some things, to recalibrate my external life to reflect a more accurate version of who I am. To look at the relationships that are important to me and dedicate the time and energy to them they deserve. It's a little early for New Years Resolutions but I think in 2009 I'm going to work on being a better friend.

Ian likes to call it The Box Of Lies!

Jeff Lewis on Flipping Out cracks me up. I thought I'd hate him a little bit, but I don't. I find him WILDLY amusing. Bravo TV kinda rocks.

Speaking of TV (or The Box Of Lies!) - mine died last week. I'm fortunate to have a BFF who will loan me her kids TV (they don't really watch it that much) so I'm not without all of my important shows - or as my Grandmother calls them "My Stories". Heh. I was a little sad that the TV died, I think I'd had that thing for ten years - give or take a year. It was a good, solid, dependable TV. And now it's gone.
So this means I have to buy a new one and for some reason the idea of buying a TV gives every dude I know a boner. I, on the other hand do not get a boner. I feel a little dread at having to spend a bunch of money, and I feel a little more dread at having to decide what I want, because what the hell do I know about televisions? Does it have a remote? Is it color? Ok, I think I'm good. See? That's my criteria. And I am a salespersons wet dream when it comes to this because I can be talked into ANYTHING - especially in the electronics section. If we were in the SHOE section, no, I'm not an easy sell, but TV's, DVD players, computers .... oh yeah, I'm chum in shark infested waters. I bought a HP with Windows ME for christsake. See? It's bad. But if I take a guy with me, well, see aforementioned boner situation and add the fact that they are helping someone else spend their money - yeah - I'd end up with some tricked out TV and zero dollars left in my bank account.

Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You?

I watched Cops last night. That's just how a girl like me spends a Saturday night. I know, it's wild and crazy! Watch out!

Anyhoodle - so I'm watching Cops and trying to finish some work I've put off and I hear the cop say: "Why're you clenching? Do you have pot in your butt?"

Oh! I GOTTA see what the hell is going on. Turns out this dude put a baggie of pot not UP his butt, but you know, in the crack. GENIUS.

But wait! That wasn't all. He'd also managed to put a prescription bottle with little baggies of what I'm assuming was crack in there (crack in his crack! haahaaha)  but I don't really know how that was being held in place, unless his buttcrack was like, really deep or something and so I started trying to figure it out and then stopped myself because seriously - it's Saturday night and I'm thinking about some random dudes buttcrack and that seemed VERY SAD.

Wondering

I do not understand why there is another season of that show Flavor of Love. No seriously - what the hell? Who watches that and um ... why? No, wait, don't tell me why, because I don't care AND there isn't an answer to that question that would make me think "ohhhhh okay, I get it." And if we're friends and you watch that show, keep that information to yourself because I do not want to get all Judge Judy on your ass and deem your television watching choices to be sub par.
Yeah, that's right, sub par to my superior viewing choice: Big Brother All Stars.

Everysingleoneofus The Devil Inside

Damn it. I managed to avoid Rock Star: INXS last season. Not that I have anything personally against INXS, because hello? Need You Tonight. Devil Inside. Never Tear Us Apart ... just to name a few ... all Super Awesome. But I managed to miss every episode of that show. Not so much this time.  I was lured in to watching Rock Star: Supernova. Wait. Where are you going? Come back. Lemme 'splain. I was drugged out on cold medicine! It wasn't my fault! But some how I found myself unable to stop watching because uh ... well, Dave Navarro. (I can't stop looking at him. Seriously. Why IS that? I'm COMPELLED to look at him. COMPELLED.) And Jason Fucking Newstead. Oh, and ... Tommy Lee, who I am ashamed to admit I kinda sorta like in that way that feels wrong because I don't think I'm supposed to (kinda like um, Kid Rock. Shut.Up.) and I know if I actually met him in real life I would most likely not be impressed or remotely interested but ... I don't know ... he's charming in a very fucked up weird way. (fyi: anyone mentions the Tommy and Pamela video or the Infamous Genitalia gets a time out because: NO.)  Ahhh. The fucked up, edgy, musician thing. It's like my own personal kryptonite.
And yes. I'm  exactly that much of a cliché.

Shame

I've been voting every day for the Big Brother: All Stars.

After watching the show this week that reveals the twenty former houseguests who were in the running to come back a second time, I realized that I've watched every goddamn season of that show. I think there's something seriously wrong with me.

JBK + TAB = TLA

After watching two hours of NBC's version of The Office last night I've decided that I am hopelessly, ridiculously, insanely in love with John Krasinski. Like I want to doodle his name on my homework folders surrounded by little hearts and write things like  JBK + TAB = TLA on my hand. Seriously. He's wicked cute.

I Just Want To Take A Needle and Pop One Of Those Boobs

I just saw a commercial for So noTorious. I wonder (hope!) if this is going to be like The Anna Nicole Show  where it's a train wreck you CAN. NOT. STOP. LOOKING. AT. and you feel bad because you know you are watching someone who is clearly mentally ill make a complete ASS out of herself but can't look away. Maybe it won't be like that, since this isn't really a reality show (if there is such a thing), it's promoted as a "single-camera comedy inspired by real events in Tori's life", but I've got my fingers crossed for a train wreck because I do love me some horrible, train wreck TV. And if the commercial is any indication, it just might be brilliantly, horrifically, terrible. I don't know why, but I sort of hate Tori Spelling. Like,  I can't really explain what it is, maybe it's just leftover Donna Martin hate and that's totally who she is inside my head, but sometimes I just want to take a needle and pop one of those boobs. I don't know. She just annoys me. So being the evil bitch I am, I hope it's bad. Bad like Seventh Heaven bad. Because bad TV can be awesome.
Oh and also? Loni Anderson plays Tori's mother. Do I need to say anymore? Do I need to remind you of the BRILLANCE of WKRP ? Exactly.

April 2nd on VH1 people! Mark your calendars!

I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

On Monday I watched The (Stupid) Bachelor. And I hate myself for it, but it’s a fucking train wreck that I can NOT STOP LOOKING AT. I swear, I’m going to open a bottle of wine next time I watch and every time someone says “fairy tale” I’m going to take swig. Right out of the bottle. And this is just a rough guess at this point, but I predict my complete and utter shitfacedness will be complete during the first ten minutes. Jesus Christ. They ALL say it. And it is ANNOYING. I mean, do these idiots women even know what the term fairy tale MEANS? I think not. So let me share with you a cross section of definitions I found with a simple Google search.

Word Net
1 : a story about fairies told to amuse children
2 : an interesting but highly implausible story; often told as an excuse

Merriam-Webster
1 : a story (as for children) involving fantastic forces and beings (as fairies, wizards, and goblins) -- called also fairy story
2 : a made-up story usually designed to mislead

Urban Dictionary
1 : a far-fetched and exaggerated story

Dictionary.Com
1 : A fanciful tale of legendary deeds and creatures, usually intended for children.
2 : A fictitious, highly fanciful story or explanation.

Oh. So wait. Maybe they do know what it means because they are on a television show. Looking for their true love. So yeah, that’s an “interesting but highly implausible story.” And did anyone else notice that all but one of the definitions mentions that fairy tales are for CHILDREN? Ugh. Shut.UP. Bachelor Fame Whores. Shut.Up.

What's that? Oh, yeah. I'm totally watching next week.

Guilty Pleasures

I'm pretty sure I've watched every episode of  My Fair Brady. And last night ... it made me cry. Seriously. Real tears. And of all the Brady's, it's totally Peter I had a thing for growing up. Greg was too ... smarmy or toolish ... or ... something. And Bobby ... um, no. But Peter? Mmmmmmmm. And seriously, Christopher Knight doesn't look too shabby these days. I mean, for someone who's 48 ... damn ... Peter Brady is forty-fucking-eight. He's only ten years younger than my DAD ... ewww ... I just grossed myself out. And Barry Williams ... wait ... OH MY GOD go to his website www.barrywilliams.net and turn up the volume! Heh. That song will be stuck in your head all day. You're welcome. Actually, I guess he doesn't look too bad but check out his photos section. He's a big goober. And by the way, the first picture I clicked on was Barry with Howie D of The Backstreet Boys. Hmmm, maybe Mr. Williams doesn't look like such a goob ... oh hell who am I kidding? Of course he does. Big. Huge. Goober.
Breaking Bonaduce is another show I can't stop watching, but not because I ever had a thing for that bratty red headed Danny Partridge, but because watching this guy is like watching a train wreck and it's really hard to look away. Truthfully, I barely watched The Partridge Family. I mean, it was only on for like four seasons or something. But! David Cassidy! Or better yet ... Shaun Cassidy ... ohhh ... Yeah.  Hardy Boys Nancy Drew Mysteries  ... you know I read all of the Nancy Drew books. ALL OF THEM. And I'm kicking myself for not keeping them. I had almost every single one. Damn. And I just noticed how many links there are in this post and I think maybe I should just stop now. Because I just remembered ... Parker Stevenson.  Dreamy! Heh. Ok. I'm done. I swear.